Dear Fury #16: “Obviously you feel some kind of icky…”

Dear Fury,

What do you do when you’re really into someone but they are not a good writer and probably won’t ever be? Do you sleep with them anyway?

(I’m a dude.)


Dear (I’m a dude.),

Hey dude.

Are you asking what I do when I’m really into someone but not into their words? Is that any of your business? I’ll tell you anyway. I don’t get turned on by people sexually if I’m not turned on by their talents, whatever they are. And it’s certainly true that nothing gets me off faster than a well-turned phrase. I wouldn’t take a shitty writer to bed.

If you’re asking what you should do I would say that depends on how hot you can be for someone whose work you don’t fully respect. Obviously you feel some kind of icky about fucking this person because you’re writing to me. As a casual fling, if other things about her or him get you off and it’s fun for you both, why not go for it?  There will always be things about a partner that you just can’t deal with and maybe the more you love someone the more their work grows on you. But that’s a big maybe so, please, don’t lead the other person into thinking it’s anything long term, because how can you have a long term affair with someone who you don’t admire?

Or you could just fake it for years on end; that sounds really satisfying and mutually beneficial! Go for it!

Or, instead, why don’t you think about why you don’t admire this person’s work. Maybe you need to open yourself up to work outside of your comfort zone, outside of your own set of cultural preferences and biases. Clearly there is a spark between you and this person so you should examine why their work doesn’t turn you on but other things about them do.

No, really, examine it.